she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
