im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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