Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
