We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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