i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
