Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
