That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
