ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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