She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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