I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
