Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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