those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
