I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm at about main and main street
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
