is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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