Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
nutella sex= disaster
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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