Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
