I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
