did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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