No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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