I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I love having hate sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
