Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
