we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
