1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
