Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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