If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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