Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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