I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This house was built for laser tag.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
