dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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