I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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