that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
