I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
