you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
