the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
zippers are such a cool invention
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
