Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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