She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
