Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my being single is dangerous.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
