walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize