STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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