the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
