I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
