Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
