Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
