I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
