Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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