Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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