grandma shit on top of the toilet
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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