Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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