hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
