Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
