I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
