You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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